The dance of the inner masculine and the inner feminine is a subtle current that runs through our psyche. Some run with the wolves, tuned in and dominated by the inner feminine landscape. Others drop into the matrix life, working to pay the bills, support their family, go out into the world, run by the inner masculine.
The inner feminine is the internal landscape, like the moon. She is the soft sweetness, the poetry, the dance of longing, She is the thread of creation, intuition, emotional spectrum, sensuality.. she is the womb of receptive wonder. She holds the codes that unlock the universe.
The inner masculine is the external landscape, like the sun. He is the focused, determined and discerning force. He is the penetrator, the doer, the organizer, the driven strength, the all knowing, all seeing. He holds within him the wand of Light, he is the key that opens the portals.
We need both, masculine and feminine, light and dark, hard and soft. The universe is made up of duality and we are perfect mirrors of creation. Within each and everyOne, is both the inner masculine and inner feminine. Whether male or female emBody, we each hold the presence of all within us. Some are more masculine, some are more feminine.
The world reflects these shifts collectively as we journey through them individually. We went from a matriarch to patriarch and now we are seeking balance. All things are longing for this balance, and often this longing is externalized and sought outside of us. My sister recently said to me “you are wasting your time externalizing any longing for the masculine until you unite your own inner masculine with your inner feminine. Nothing will shift until you are whole inside. The more you seek outside, you are draining your energy and bringing yourself further from that which you long for.”
So i decided to experiment, every time i began to externalize desire for a man in my experience, in my bed, in my life, i called on my own inner masculine. I asked him to be present, to hold me, to connect with me. I asked for his name so i could share dialogue with him. I asked him what he needed and yearned for. I asked him how i can strengthen his presence and find harmony with my dominant inner feminine. As i journeyed deeper into my masculine landscape, i noticed myself pushing to get strong in my body, doing sit ups and push ups, i noticed this penetrating drive to make and save money, to externalize, to find security, stability, roots. The more i accessed my masculine, the more he grew in strength and voice…. Then my inner feminine got Pissed! She felt neglected, not seen, not taken care of. She felt shrunken in her creative outlets and expressions. At this point is when i recognized the battlefield that my own inner masculine and inner feminine had been on!
My masculine was angry at my feminine - “fuck you for flowing, for shifting and changing. Fuck you for not being responsible and reliable, how can i depend on you? Why can’t you get it together, why can’t you be stable and strong.. “
and my inner feminine - “fuck you for not letting me flow and express my longing, my creativity, my heArt. Fuck you for pushing so hard and not trusting in the flow of shakti. How can i trust you to embrace my wild abandon if you are numb in your work and fear? How can i open if you don't hold me in my rainbow spectrum of emotions.. “
I realized that my calling in of sacred union, divine marriage and beloved partner of love and creation was a useless task until my own union of Self, of my two inner halves. I had no clue how broken and de-fragmented i was until i began really diving into this landscape. Wow! what denial i was in!!
So i opened the conversation. I felt the anger that was buried inside me at both the masculine and feminine. I felt all the ways in which i was entangled in the wounds of the sisterhood and brotherhood. I felt all the ways i externalized and victimized my longing, my needs, my inability to be met in my fullness.. because i was not meeting myself. I had a vision of my ‘Beloved’ walking through my door and all i felt was ‘Fuck you! Fuck you for taking so long. Fuck you for leaving me alone! Fuck you for not being here when i needed you.. “ All the anger bubbled to the surface to be truly felt to the depths. Sometimes i find myself getting angry at God(dess) for answering my prayers.. because it’s so uncomfortable. I often ask “I prayed for this?!” We are such powerful co-creators and manifesters and our prayers are answered not how we wish them to be, but in alignment with Divine Laws and Divine Will.. this means, everything that is not Love will show it’s face to be seen, felt and offered back as Love. There are moments, in the depth of my shadow diving when i desperately ask “how can i possibly bring this back to love, it’s so painful, it’s so ugly, it’s so…”
So this is our work. Those that step forward, those that seek, those that know they are here to create a new paradigm are going to go into the uncomfortable, the shadow, the underworld. My life seems dramatic and edgy. Sometimes i wish i could return to ‘normal’ ways.. and i don’t even know what that means. And in truth, this is what i prayed for and this is the original contract i made with Beloved God(dess) when i chose to enter this human experience.
My soul is on fire and my heart is longing.
Beloved Mother Father God, help me to marry my inner masculine and inner feminine in Love and Harmony. My deepest longing is Union.
.. Carve me into a vessel of your Divine Love.
I am ready to Take my Seat as a Sovereign Soul.
In Service of Beloved,
Alila Sophia Grace
For a stunning ceremonial practice to 'Embody your Sacred Union', i recommend checking out this lovely video snippet from sister Anaiya Sophia.