Finding Freedom through Tears
Why it's so important to Release Emotions
I was emotionally numb for most of my young life. I learned from an early age that my emotions were not safe to express and was never taught healthy outlets of release. Instead I learned to numb with anger, food, exercise, drugs, sex.. anything that made me feel something other than my sadness
There were times in high school my best of friends would look at me with tears streaming down there cheeks telling me I was "emotionally frozen" and I would sit and stare, blankly and shrug my shoulders like I didn't give a f*ck.
Once I began on the path of healing it was my anger first that bubbled to the surface like a hot volcano! As things began moving and shifting deep inside me it was expressed in outbursts, yelling fits, rage.. and life began reflecting this to me in intensity. I thought this was just how life was for me.. on the razors edge, sharp and bloody! I had to feel something to feel alive so I continued on in my fierce gypsy ways for some time.
..until I was invited to soften. I began to see how my shakti fire kept me separate from those I loved, how it actually began to push people away instead of invite them closer. I was ready for a landscape that reflected more gentle compassion, I was ready to melt my rough edges.
When I first began noticing my sadness it was a tiny bubble inside me that I would recognize as a 'need to cry.' Sometimes it was days.. weeks before I would actually find some release and usually I had to physically exert myself to the point of exhaustion before I could let go. I would run up mountains, do asana for hours and dance wildly until I literally dropped!
At this point I recognized that "anger is sadness hiding."
When I felt hot anger or rage raising from inside I would step away and begin breathing deep and exaggerated from my mouth with sound and force until the tears would come. The tears always brought relief, they always brought perspective, they always brought forgiveness, and they always brought more closeness. I began working and sharing a lot with cathartic and movement methods of release, finding ways underneath to the buried sadness. I became more and more comfortable with my own tears as well as holding space for others to feel deeply.
Within the past few years, as my journey turned even deeper and I began to work with the wisdom of the womb and the purity of prayer, my tears took on a different essence. I began crying from places that I didn't even know existed, wells and wells of salty release would pour over me for hours and days, sometimes with no end in sight. The slightest things could trigger the waves of emotion, the gentlest prayer could invoke the deepest release. Each time I would emerge brighter, lighter, more anchored in the Truth of my Soul and the Love of the Divine.
This is when I realized, "tears cleanse the stains of the soul."
Now, 7 months pregnant, I feel like a weepy river. I watch my tears flow freely as the excitement and anticipation of this little bundle of love gets closer and closer to greeting us.
I now discovered though my birth work studies that "tears carry adrenaline!" ..... AHA!
Yes, this makes so much sense. When the tears aren't released and the adrenaline builds, what do we get?! Anger, intense emotions, relentless energy built up in the body/nervous system. With adrenaline also comes Fear; fear is the opposite of Love. When our adrenaline is not releasing through emotions, exercise, sex (I call these the 3 magic juices - tears, sweat and orgasm) it creates more separation, more fear, more anxiety... and leads to all kinds of coping mechanisms via drugs, isolation, temper tantrums, etc.
In the birth/labor world, fear also equals a tight yoni, which leads to more pain and a stalled labor. One of my favorite and sweetest moments while space keeping a laboring mama is when we get underneath the trauma, the fear, the tension and she sheds the gentlest tears. Guess what happens?! Her yoni softens and cervix opens, her jaw releases and labor picks up! Most hospital births see the pain and the pause and go straight into interventions, when all mama needs is to feel safe and supported enough to release her emotions.
So this is my invitation to you to let your tears flow. To, even for a moment, release all your barriers against feeling vulnerable, to truly seek refuge in a safe space and release the rivers of compassion. The greatest gift we can offer someone and ourself is our presence, our attention and our ability to hold space.
Want to invite more Love in?.. soften and let down your guard to Life.
Please share - What has your journey with tears been like? How have you found the courage to surrender? Where can you melt a bit more?
I'm here for you,